The Decision has Been Made....

Bad news.

I didn't get it.

I know I'm supposed to be positive and say "Everything happens for a reason". I know I'm supposed to say that I'm happy that Carla got that call today telling HER the good news. I know I'm supposed to say that "If not this one, then the next one"....

But let me just go to the dark side for a bit.....

THIS SUCKS!

Seriously. And it just doesn't suck because now I feel I can't trust my instincts (I was SURE it was mine). And it doesn't suck just because it was an opportunity for a GREAT job. It sucks for more than just that.

It sucks because I was SO close to the exact dream that I had had ever since I can remember, and I lost it. (And again, I do feel like I "lost" it since it did feel like it was mine. I saw it, I felt it, I just knew in my gut. That damn Secret! haha j/k)

It sucks because I didn't want this just for me. I wanted it for my parents. (I was buying them a new house with this job.) I wanted this for my family. For my friends. For you guys who read this blog. I wanted this for everyone who believed that I could and should have this. That's why it sucks. And I know everyone is still proud of me, and I know I have accomplished SO much. And I know there will be others. But it sucks that I didn't get this one. There. That's all.

I'm done with the dark side.

Back to positivity..... :)

It was an AMAZING experience that I wouldn't trade for anything in this world. I have learned so much through this process and am so grateful to have come this far. I am very proud of myself and how I held it all together, even through the most stressful part, the screen testing.
And I do believe there will be MANY more opportunities, and many more screen tests to come in my future!

Onwards and upwards!

Comments

Tim said…
Sorry to hear you didn't get the part Lydia, but please don't lose the upbeat attitude that you seem to have had the last few days. I'm sure big things are headed your way! :)
9:45 PM
mendlbarr said…
Lydia... stay focused on your next screen test... "Lupita" just wasn't the right name for your breakout role!! :)
12:58 AM
Shenita Moore said…
Sorry this one didn't go your way Lydia, but I'm sure this whole experience was mere preparation for the even bigger and better job that's just around the corner!

- Shenita.
9:45 AM
Unknown said…
Your adventure through this process has been more enlightening and exciting for me than I can express here. I logged on everyday, wide-eyed to find out what happened next, and though things panned out differently than expected, it was still an incredible experience. One that will no doubt give you everything you need for the next time.

One of the main reasons I was so enthralled is that I too came so close to my dream and "lost it," a while ago.
12:20 PM
Broadus said…
Stay strong Lydia; all this means is that YOUR opportunity is right around the corner waiting for you.

Broadus
11:47 AM
Anonymous said…
I am sorry that you did not get this role, but know that you are so inspiring. Good things are sure to come. I know how hard it can be to come so close. You're awesome, keep going! :-)
3:17 PM
TanikaBrown said…
Wow! Thanks so much for sharing all this with us. I haven't been able to sleep!!!

A window closed, so a door can open...

Congrats!
3:26 PM
char said…
you are SO inspiring, and i am SO excited for what comes next to you. even though it's hard to swallow sometimes, it DID happen for a reason. i can't wait for you to write about what that reason is!

charlene

p.s. i'm signing with Central once Laura gets back! the 28th! :)
12:36 AM
Jules said…
you've got guts, Lydia. I've always admired that about you. And you are unstoppable. Yep, this does suck. But you're sharing something that happens every day to people who wind up going on to become successful. What's that saying... "the definition of an overnight success is ten years." not that it should take ten years, but the message is clear. take the long view. One break and you're IN. This got you closer. You just need ONE.

here's to that ONE.

julie
11:26 PM
Brittany said…
The next opportunity is just waiting around the corner, I'm sure of it! Maybe you needed this experience so that the next time this happens for you, everything will be so much easier and just fall into place :). Congrats for everything so far and thank you for sharing all this with us! You are an inspiration!
9:25 AM
Unknown said…
Ugh! So sorry to hear it, but it sounds like you've got the right attitude (mourn this one for a bit and then right back at 'em!). Bigger and better things are surely in store for you soon...keep us posted!
8:15 AM
Anonymous said…
so you know bigger and better is ahead and you know this will only prepare you and you know that no matter what part you get or dont get your family is still proud! but what you dont know is you will ALWAYS be a star to us, regardless of whats ahead, youve come this far and we will buckle up for the rest of the way!
5:00 PM
Susan said…
Lydia,
I am so sorry, reading this. But you know, if you wouldn't feel sorry, there would be something wrong. So all is good and bigger and better things are ahead of you, for sure.
Thanks a lot for sharing all of this with us!
12:54 PM
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