Lydia's Journey BEYOND Hollywood

Follow an actress's journey beyond Hollywood. The life after a successful 10 year career...

Thursday, June 21, 2012

All Grown Up

Having kids makes you a grown up. Or at least less selfish. This week we got life insurance. I've never thought about life insurance before. But something happens with you have kids. It makes it one of the most important investments in your life. Their future security. Next week its a mutual fund for the babies college (or car or graduation trip in case they get full scholarships!) Before, my savings would be for those slow Acting months to make sure I had rent covered; or a fabulous international vacation I was hoping to take; or a sporty two seater BMW convertible (ahh..memories!) Now, these days, it's for the babies and their future. I know it's going to be expensive raising two babies, especially how close in age they are! High school at the same time. Sports and organizations, school dances. Graduations close together. COLLEGE!!! Current income used to be for however many shoes, purses and clothes my heart desired. Dinners out with friends, happy hours, day trips to wherever. Now, it's for clothes for the babies since they outgrow them from one day to the next. I can't remember the last time I bought myself an outfit not to mention a new pair of shoes. And dinner and drinks? Only if I'm cooking and I happened to grab a bottle of wine at the store. Day trips? Sure - to the doctor's office, grocery store, maybe, if I'm lucky, a playgroup. That's IF I get out of the house - which is very rare. My life isn't about myself anymore. And that's the biggest change. And the best one. I was tired of my life being just for me. I've never felt more like a grown up, or more selfless than I do today.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Sick Days

Do you know what SUCKS about being a mom? Seeing your baby sick. Damn, I feel so helpless. Guilty actually. I felt like I was coming down with something on Saturday. I had absolutely no voice on Sunday, a bad sore throat and cough on Monday, and full blown sick on Tuesday. So I'm pretty sure I'm the one that got little Nicolas sick. :( He started off with just a cough on Monday. Then woke up with a runny nose on Tuesday. By Tuesday afternoon, he was full blown sick! He's been up the past two nights in pain, unable to sleep or breathe. It's so heartbreaking!!! I know his little body is aching and tired and, as a mom, you wish you could do ANYTHING to make him feel better. To take away his sickness and bring him back to his healthy happy self. Having a sick baby SUCKS so bad. Because you know, if he's not sleeping, neither are we! So I'm taking care of two babies while I'm sick and so very tired, and trying not to get little Ivy sick. I can't wait until this all blows over and we are all healthy again. Nic at the doctor's office yesterday, waiting to be seen.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

You Charge How Much????

Oh My God. Do you know how expensive child care is?? If you have a baby/kid, and work full-time - you probably do. Wow. I'm in shock. I think I may need to change careers because they must be millionaires in that field! I drove by a day care/preschool on my home the other day. It looked really nice on the outside and they were super close to my house, so I figured I'd give them a call, you know, just out of curiosity. In case I ever wanted to get a full time job one day. Well, they told me that under the age of 1, they charge $277 - A WEEK! If I wait until Nic turns 1, he would be $245 a week and Ivy would still be the $277! That's $522 a week in childcare! for ONE household!!! Even if I waited until they were both 2 years old and then enrolled them, it would cost $235 a week - PER KID. I would have to get one amazing job in order to justify putting them in childcare. I mean, how do people do it? It's crazy!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Through the Window

Do you ever feel like you are on the outside of your life, looking in? I think I feel that way mainly because my life was one way for so long. And here I am, in just a short amount of time, living a completely different life. It all seems so surreal at times. There are moments when I look at these babies and really ask myself if they are really here. If they will really be here tomorrow. If my life is forever changed. And there are days when I look at them and wonder how they got so big so fast! Time just jumps on a train when you have kids. I spent 10 years developing a career in Hollywood. I can't imagine what my life will be like in 10 more years. How big these kids will be - who they will become - what life will be like. All I know is, I'm sure it will be completely different than now, or even what I expect. It scary and exciting. Its...well...weird. I used that word very heavily during my pregnancy and labor. Everything was "weird". Watching my belly grow was so weird. Feeling her move. Having my body taken over by another human being. All so very weird. And then forget it, when I was admitted to the hospital to have her - then it really got weird. Breaking my water was the highlight of the weirdness. The epidural. The affect of the drugs. Seeing her for the first time. I couldn't come up with a better word to describe it all. It was all so...WEIRD. And now that we are in our routine, now that I'm adjusting to my daily life as a mom - it's still weird sometimes - when I get a moment to stop and think. I have friends who long for my life. A family life. I tell them, be prepared. Be ready for your entire life as you know it to change. It's definitely different. Mainly for the better - but different. No more freedom to just up and go wherever and whenever you please. Those days of planning a trip out of the country are long gone. For now, Money and time and energy all go to the babies. Girl time over wine at Happy Hour is reduced to maybe once or twice a month, not at the drop of a hat anymore. Those mornings I used to sleep in until 10. Nope. Gone. But it's ok. Because I feel like I've done it all already. I've traveled to Europe, I've had my share (and then some) of happy hours, I've had my dream career and I was ready to turn over my life to new babies. A new family. It's just weird when you finally get what you've dreamed of. It makes you feel like its all...well...a dream. Like you are on the outside looking in.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Don't Worry...Be Happy?

So I've been a little stressed lately, mainly for two reasons. Nicolas must be going through a growth spurt or something, because he used to almost sleep through the night - and last night he woke up every three hours to eat - like a newborn. Maybe he's over tired or not eating enough during the day. I'm not sure. I just hope it gets better. Another reason I've been stressed is, I keep hearing about mothers who lose their children. Maybe not "keep hearing" but just once or twice is enough to make me paranoid! Ivy is three months and I'm constantly staring at her chest to make sure it is moving. Or if she is sound asleep, I touch her to see if she moves, just to make sure she is ok. I read about this woman who's daughter just passed away in her sleep, and she was Ivy's age, just last week. She may have spit up and choked on it and suffocated. I'm not exactly sure the reason for her death, but it just scares me. Maybe I just need to relax - but when I pictured myself being a mommy - I didn't think it could be both the most amazing experience, AND the most terrifying experience at the same time. I can't imagine anything more horrible than losing your child. And I think I will constantly worry about Nic and Ivy until the day I die. I can imagine how terrifying it will be just to hand them over to their kindergarten teachers, or when they get their licenses and start driving - by themselves! Or go off to college. Or even decide to move to a large city with a large crime rate. I'm sure my parents constantly worried about me. Now its my turn...