Through the Window

Do you ever feel like you are on the outside of your life, looking in? I think I feel that way mainly because my life was one way for so long. And here I am, in just a short amount of time, living a completely different life. It all seems so surreal at times. There are moments when I look at these babies and really ask myself if they are really here. If they will really be here tomorrow. If my life is forever changed. And there are days when I look at them and wonder how they got so big so fast! Time just jumps on a train when you have kids. I spent 10 years developing a career in Hollywood. I can't imagine what my life will be like in 10 more years. How big these kids will be - who they will become - what life will be like. All I know is, I'm sure it will be completely different than now, or even what I expect. It scary and exciting. Its...well...weird. I used that word very heavily during my pregnancy and labor. Everything was "weird". Watching my belly grow was so weird. Feeling her move. Having my body taken over by another human being. All so very weird. And then forget it, when I was admitted to the hospital to have her - then it really got weird. Breaking my water was the highlight of the weirdness. The epidural. The affect of the drugs. Seeing her for the first time. I couldn't come up with a better word to describe it all. It was all so...WEIRD. And now that we are in our routine, now that I'm adjusting to my daily life as a mom - it's still weird sometimes - when I get a moment to stop and think. I have friends who long for my life. A family life. I tell them, be prepared. Be ready for your entire life as you know it to change. It's definitely different. Mainly for the better - but different. No more freedom to just up and go wherever and whenever you please. Those days of planning a trip out of the country are long gone. For now, Money and time and energy all go to the babies. Girl time over wine at Happy Hour is reduced to maybe once or twice a month, not at the drop of a hat anymore. Those mornings I used to sleep in until 10. Nope. Gone. But it's ok. Because I feel like I've done it all already. I've traveled to Europe, I've had my share (and then some) of happy hours, I've had my dream career and I was ready to turn over my life to new babies. A new family. It's just weird when you finally get what you've dreamed of. It makes you feel like its all...well...a dream. Like you are on the outside looking in.

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