Lydia's Journey BEYOND Hollywood

Follow an actress's journey beyond Hollywood. The life after a successful 10 year career...

Monday, June 11, 2012

Don't Worry...Be Happy?

So I've been a little stressed lately, mainly for two reasons. Nicolas must be going through a growth spurt or something, because he used to almost sleep through the night - and last night he woke up every three hours to eat - like a newborn. Maybe he's over tired or not eating enough during the day. I'm not sure. I just hope it gets better. Another reason I've been stressed is, I keep hearing about mothers who lose their children. Maybe not "keep hearing" but just once or twice is enough to make me paranoid! Ivy is three months and I'm constantly staring at her chest to make sure it is moving. Or if she is sound asleep, I touch her to see if she moves, just to make sure she is ok. I read about this woman who's daughter just passed away in her sleep, and she was Ivy's age, just last week. She may have spit up and choked on it and suffocated. I'm not exactly sure the reason for her death, but it just scares me. Maybe I just need to relax - but when I pictured myself being a mommy - I didn't think it could be both the most amazing experience, AND the most terrifying experience at the same time. I can't imagine anything more horrible than losing your child. And I think I will constantly worry about Nic and Ivy until the day I die. I can imagine how terrifying it will be just to hand them over to their kindergarten teachers, or when they get their licenses and start driving - by themselves! Or go off to college. Or even decide to move to a large city with a large crime rate. I'm sure my parents constantly worried about me. Now its my turn...

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