Lydia's Journey BEYOND Hollywood

Follow an actress's journey beyond Hollywood. The life after a successful 10 year career...

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

From Zero to 100

You know that saying?  I went from "zero to a hundred"?  Or "baptism by fire"?  Or that ever popular "jumping in with both feet"?
Well, Ceasar and I were decorating our living room for the holidays this weekend, and after putting our stockings up by the fireplace, we realized we have 5 - FIVE stockings up!  Ceasar's, Mine, his 11 year old daughter's, and Nic and Ivy's.
I went from zero - to now 5.  And this is less than a year!!  This December will be 2 years that I've been back in Texas.  Just a short two years ago, I got in my little two seater convertible with my cat and moved back to Texas.  And here I am, no more cat unfortunately (she passed away the same month we got here) and now with a house full of my own family.  How weird is that??
I think that's been my biggest issue - is trying to adjust to this huge change.  I jumped in with both feet and even though at times it seems like I'm drowning, I'm learning to swim as I go.
There are days when I wonder if the babies even know my sacrifices, or appreciate them.  I bathe them, feed them, clothe them, love on them all day long.  They barely know how to sit and stand, so I don't expect them to make me nice pretty cards saying "we love you mom" just yet.  But just when I think they are too young to express such emotion, Ivy leans in to give me a kiss or Nic wraps his arms around my neck and gives me a hard squeeze.
Ok, ok, I get it.  You love me.  ;)

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Am I Doing this Right?

Let me tell you, this mom thing is tough work!  I second guess myself at every turn!  Am I giving Nicolas enough vegetables?  Am I doing him harm by allowing him an actual bottle now and then instead of his sippy cup?  (He sleeps quicker sucking on a bottle instead of a cup - sue me)  Are they both supposed to be pointing at their nose by now?  Am I reading enough to them?  (probably not)  Is it disgusting that they share every germ by sharing teething rings and toys???  (LOL)  How am I supposed to ever get it right????
I have a confession.  There are days when I actually have a full on melt-down.  Yes, in multiple.  It usually comes after 5pm, when Ceasar happens to work late and both kids decide to throw fits, and I'm trying to cook dinner, feed them, clean up the house a bit, remember to move the clothes into the dryer so they don't start to stink, and then...I just lose it.  I chalk it up to being not "cut out for this".  How do some moms make it look so easy????  This is hard.  Really hard.  I'm sure it gets easier, and it seems like my posts lately are all about how HARD my life is now!
I guess when I was daydreaming of being a mom, I was picturing myself going to PTA meetings and carpooling to dance rehearsals and football practices.  I forgot there are a few years before those days.  And those years are filled with sleepless nights, and stressed out days.  In the midst of wishing it was kindergarten time and they are both in school during the day, I get a mini-flash-forward and realize that when they DO go to school and leave me all alone during the day - I'll probably miss the little suckers.  Probably.  ;)
I do realize that they won't be this young for long.  It does go by very fast.  Ivy is trying to skip crawling and go right into walking!  It'll be over before I know it, and my babies won't be babies anymore.  So I guess I should enjoy it now - as impossible as it may seem when they are screaming and crying and I have no idea WHY!!!
It's a learning process - this mom thing.  We all are learning together.
Ok, Nic woke up screaming from his nap.  Better bring him downstairs and feed him.  Vegetables.  ;)