Lydia's Journey BEYOND Hollywood

Having kids makes you a grown up. Or at least less selfish. This week we got life insurance. I've never thought about life insurance before. But something happens with you have kids. It makes it one of the most important investments in your life. Their future security. Next week its a mutual fund for the babies college (or car or graduation trip in case they get full scholarships!) Before, my savings would be for those slow Acting months to make sure I had rent covered; or a fabulous international vacation I was hoping to take; or a sporty two seater BMW convertible (ahh..memories!) Now, these days, it's for the babies and their future. I know it's going to be expensive raising two babies, especially how close in age they are! High school at the same time. Sports and organizations, school dances. Graduations close together. COLLEGE!!! Current income used to be for however many shoes, purses and clothes my heart desired. Dinners out with friends, happy hours, day...

Do you know what SUCKS about being a mom? Seeing your baby sick. Damn, I feel so helpless. Guilty actually. I felt like I was coming down with something on Saturday. I had absolutely no voice on Sunday, a bad sore throat and cough on Monday, and full blown sick on Tuesday. So I'm pretty sure I'm the one that got little Nicolas sick. :( He started off with just a cough on Monday. Then woke up with a runny nose on Tuesday. By Tuesday afternoon, he was full blown sick! He's been up the past two nights in pain, unable to sleep or breathe. It's so heartbreaking!!! I know his little body is aching and tired and, as a mom, you wish you could do ANYTHING to make him feel better. To take away his sickness and bring him back to his healthy happy self. Having a sick baby SUCKS so bad. Because you know, if he's not sleeping, neither are we! So I'm taking care of two babies while I'm sick and so very tired, and trying not to get little Ivy sick. I can...

Oh My God. Do you know how expensive child care is?? If you have a baby/kid, and work full-time - you probably do. Wow. I'm in shock. I think I may need to change careers because they must be millionaires in that field! I drove by a day care/preschool on my home the other day. It looked really nice on the outside and they were super close to my house, so I figured I'd give them a call, you know, just out of curiosity. In case I ever wanted to get a full time job one day. Well, they told me that under the age of 1, they charge $277 - A WEEK! If I wait until Nic turns 1, he would be $245 a week and Ivy would still be the $277! That's $522 a week in childcare! for ONE household!!! Even if I waited until they were both 2 years old and then enrolled them, it would cost $235 a week - PER KID. I would have to get one amazing job in order to justify putting them in childcare. I mean, how do people do it? It's crazy!

Do you ever feel like you are on the outside of your life, looking in? I think I feel that way mainly because my life was one way for so long. And here I am, in just a short amount of time, living a completely different life. It all seems so surreal at times. There are moments when I look at these babies and really ask myself if they are really here. If they will really be here tomorrow. If my life is forever changed. And there are days when I look at them and wonder how they got so big so fast! Time just jumps on a train when you have kids. I spent 10 years developing a career in Hollywood. I can't imagine what my life will be like in 10 more years. How big these kids will be - who they will become - what life will be like. All I know is, I'm sure it will be completely different than now, or even what I expect. It scary and exciting. Its...well...weird. I used that word very heavily during my pregnancy and labor. Everything was "weird". Watching my b...

So I've been a little stressed lately, mainly for two reasons. Nicolas must be going through a growth spurt or something, because he used to almost sleep through the night - and last night he woke up every three hours to eat - like a newborn. Maybe he's over tired or not eating enough during the day. I'm not sure. I just hope it gets better. Another reason I've been stressed is, I keep hearing about mothers who lose their children. Maybe not "keep hearing" but just once or twice is enough to make me paranoid! Ivy is three months and I'm constantly staring at her chest to make sure it is moving. Or if she is sound asleep, I touch her to see if she moves, just to make sure she is ok. I read about this woman who's daughter just passed away in her sleep, and she was Ivy's age, just last week. She may have spit up and choked on it and suffocated. I'm not exactly sure the reason for her death, but it just scares me. Maybe I just need to ...